Giant resolve

Some time ago, I wrote an article which I titled "Hanging on a Wall" It is about a childhood experience when I found myself in peril and how I was able to hang on until help arrived. I was literally hanging on a wall until someone came along to pull me out of harms way. I will try to find the story and post it on this blog site. The story is written from the perspective of me as an adult and how my life and my courage was placed on the line and how I was rescued by an older boy in Sedamsville who pulled me from a wall and saved my life. When I moved to Cedar City a dozen years ago I met yet another boy who pulled me from a wall of self destruction, and self pity. That boy was as big as anyone I have ever know spiritually and physically. His name is Ken Benson. Ken Suffered with Parkinson's as long as anyone I have ever heard about and he gave me the courage to hang on until help arrives. more than a decade later, I am still holding on. The day before yesterday, I competed in the Utah Summer Games Archery tournament. I was just two weeks out of the emergency room where I was treated for acute pain. It was the worse pain I have ever experienced. I was really hanging on a wall and I was a little more than half way through the worse athletic ordeal of my life. with seventy arrows left to shoot. it may have been sensible to just pack it in and go home. Not a person on the field or in the crowd would have faulted me for it. but in the lane next to me was Jake Benson, one of Ken Benson's grandsons and two lanes in the opposite direction was Ken's namesake who is my friend Dude Benson's son. Jake is the son of Ken's older son Kendal. Both Kendal and Dude were watching others of the Benson progeny who were competing on the same line with me. Emily who had given me the name Don-Don was there with her little brother who was also completing and Jerica newly married was there at some time also. Mindy Benson who always takes time to see how I am getting along was there. In fact every one who I ever knew in the Benson Family was there. Thought of quiting lasted about as long as a rotten tomato in a food fight. Giving up meant being carried from the field by Ken's two giant grandson's whom I pray will emulate their giant grandfather both physically and spiritually. I have learned from a loving Savior and a great man and his caring family to hang on when it is physically impossible to do so. I shot my final arrow and walked away with my head held high to the applause of new and old friends. Oh by the way in my hand was a gold medal outshone by the eternal friendship in my heart.

Some Thoughts on Family History

As I continue to research our family history and to computerize what we have already documented, I reflect again on the meaning of the sealing of families. I know that this is a process rather than an event, and I feel the connection to some I have never met, so strongly they seem to "speak" to me. I return again and again to these thoughts from the book Remembering by Wendell Berry (If you haven't read this I highly recommend it...a short read...a great story...very well written):

"That he is who he is and no one else is the result of a long choosing, chosen and chosen again. He thinks of the long dance of men and women behind him, most of whom he never knew, some he knew, two he yet knows, who, choosing one another, chose him. He thinks of the choices too, by which he chose himself as he now is. How many choices, how much chance, how much error, how much hope have made that place and people that, in turn, made him? He does not know. He knows that some who might have left chose to stay, and that some who did leave chose to return, and he is one of them. Those choices have formed in time and place the pattern of a membership that chose him, yet left him free until he should choose it, which he did once, and now has done again."

Another thought by Mrs. Ira A. Eastman:

"A gift of gifts, this lineage old,
More precious far than gifts of gold;
A precious gift, these links that bind
The lives before with lives behind."

The Parable of the Little Car that Wouldn't Back Up

(This is another "oldie" originally written about 8 years ago)

My son Spencer gave me a car he was no longer using. The little white Honda had been in an accident...it had been run into by a deer one night on Highway 89 near the turn-off that leads up the canyon to Morgan, Utah. The glass that shattered and embedded its tiny slivers and fine dust into my daughter-in-law Nancy's face had been replaced; the front fender was still badly damaged, but that damage was cosmetic; it was the damage to the Honda's reverse gear imposed partly by Spencer's impatient driving habits that rendered the little car useless to Spencer and Nancy after they replaced it with a new car.
I drove the car on errands around Cedar City and to and from the bookstore where I worked. My co-workers and my youngest daughter, Jessica teased me as I searched for parking places where, in parking lots I could pull all the way through and be ready to continue forward when my errands were completed, and at curbside, near driveways where no one could park in front of me. It reminded me of my mother who made her rounds to PTA meetings and grocery shopping and Girl Scout meetings in the little black '39 Ford coupe donated by my Grandmother when I was a child. But that is another story in another time and place, and the lessons I learned from the little car that wouldn't back up had nothing to do with its disabilities, but everything to do with the service it could still render.
One day I learned that a co=worker at the bookstore was temporarily without transportation and I felt rather embarrassed to offer the little white Honda, but he accepted the offer gratefully and was abundant with his thanks as he returned the keys to me a few days later. It was only then that I formulated the thoughts that drew parallels between the little car that wouldn't back up and the life that our Savior requires of us. Battered by the accidents of life and collisions with temptation and sin, we replace the glass; straighten the fender a little and in humility use what is left to press forward...ever forward in service to our Lord and co-workers in the Kingdom. With broken parts and hearts and with contrite spirits we continue to press forward. We find parking places where we can pull through; where the only way out is forward; where driveways don't allow anyone to get in our way. We must continually think about not getting trapped in a situation where we'll have to back up. We are unable or unwilling to retreat; and we find ourselves pressed into service when we are embarrassed and sure there are others more capable than we with our disabilities and limitations. We fulfill the measure of our creation, transporting ourselves and others on the Lord's errand and honor our commitments and abide in the covenants we've made.
I have grown to love that little Honda and with reluctance I have today placed an ad in the paper to sell it for parts. "Well done thou good and faithful servant..."

Some Thoughts on War Spending and Oprah's Leadership Academy in Africa

Not long ago I heard the figures for how much money the U.S. has invested in the war effort in Iraq ($300,000,000,000 I believe). A few days later I watched the TV special on the opening of Oprah Winfrey's Leadership Academy for Girls in Africa. Oprah's investment was, I believe $40,000,000. As I watched and contemplated the impact of this new school on the lives of the girls who will attend and more importantly on the future impact they will make on the nations and communities from which the girls have come, I felt compelled to calculate how many schools like this could have been built with the money spent on the war (7500 schools/4 schools per day for the 5 years we have been at war in Iraq). What impact might building such schools around the world have had on the future of our world? Might this type of effort create a more peaceful world where the high human price of war might not have to be paid? You say, but there will always be "evil-doers" who will destroy what others build. Probably so, but I like what Marianne Williamson has to say about that: "Spending extraordinary resources trying to protect ourselves from our fellow human beings, rather than on efforts to build righteous relationships, is a backward model for human interaction. And the fact that we don't quite know how to turn our civilization from a war machine into a peace machine is not a reason not to try." How much more fitting a monument to those who lost their lives in the toppling of the World Trade Center than a war or even the monuments now built in remembrance of their lives. Two schools (perhaps bearing their names) for each of those whose lives were lost. Perhaps you will say, "Child of the 60's, grown old to your 60's, the peace movement is dead; you can not return now to do what you wish you had done then." Perhaps, but I believe with Marianne Williamson that, "God has a better plan that is incapable of failure. It lacks not power but adherents. It waits simply for us to say 'yes' to love as energetically as hatred says 'no'."

The Manufacturer's Coupon

(Like "Change" this is something I wrote many years ago, but I would like to share it here; its application is, after all, of eternal value.)

It was an ordinary ritual, sorting the coupons I'd collected and preparing the grocery list, but as my eyes scanned the fine print for an expiration date, my mind focused on one word, "Redeem". "Redeem by June 30, 1998". I had seen the word or variation thereof on hundreds of cxoupons over the years, but this time a link was made that would change forever the way I would look at coupons and the way I would understand the significance of the gospel doctrines surrounding and encompassing the role of Christ, our Redeemer; the Redeemer of the World.
As I began to ponder the meaning of the word in both contexts, I recognized a pattern emerging and began to construct the following analogy:
The manufacturer offers the coupon to the consumer for the purpose of allowing the purchase of a product at a price lower than its established value.
The plan of salvation is offered by God, the creator, to each of us that we might purchase eternal life, which is valued at a price otherwise beyond our ability to pay.
The manufacturer enters into a contract between the retailer and himself and by means of the coupon invites the consumer to become a party to that contract.
` Likewise, our Father in Heaver entered into a contract or covenant with Jesus Christ and invites us to become a party to that contract through the covenant and ordinance of baptism. In the gospel context all of God's children are given a "coupon", but are allowed individual agency to choose what they will do with it.
If cash is desired in lieu of the product offered, the manufacturer's coupon has a cash value of 1/100th of a cent. If I choose to throw the coupon away or allow its expiration date to pass, the coupon is worthless.
In the gospel application, I can choose to gather an hundred worldly pleasures and present them for the reward of a penny's worth of life everlasting. I can throw the gift of salvation away or choose to try in vain to pay the full price myself. I can let the "expiration date" (the days of my earthly probation) pass without acting to make the purchase and find that I have earned or saved only enough to purchase life in a lesser kingdom.
I must take the manufacturer's coupon to an authorized agent. The plumber cannot redeem my coupon for soap and a restaurant cannot redeem my coupon for milk. Likewise, we must seek for the authorized agent of redemption, our Lord Jesus Christ, and receive validation of our claim on Eternal Life through authorized priesthood ordinances and by adherence to the "rules" or commandments of God.
Rules or conditions of redemption are printed on my coupons in words I can barely see, but our Father in Heaven makes His conditions clear to all. No one's purchase in the kingdom of God is denied until the opportunity to understand the rules and partake of the ordinances is given and a clear description of the "product" is presented.
On my coupons a fixed redemption value is stated; if I do not have sufficient additional cash to pay the price of the product I cannot make the purchase.
God has contracted with Christ, that He will honor his sacrifice on our behalf as payment in full; we in turn contract with our Savior that we will "always remember him and keep his commandments which he has given" us. Christ's witness to the Father that we have honored and kept our covenant with him and done all that he has required of us, allows him to redeem us from death (both spiritual and temporal) and purchase for us Eternal Life in our Father's kingdom.
My coupon for soap had long ago expired and I considered tossing it into the wastebasket with others of no value, but I valued this coupon for the lesson it had taught and I remembered this scripture from the Pearl of Great Price:
"And behold all things have their likeness, and all things are created and made to bear record of me [Christ], both things which are temporal, and things which are spiritual; things which are in the heavens above and things which are on the earth, and things which are in the earth, and things which are under the earth, both above and beneath; all things bear record of me." [even a manufacturer's coupon]

Change

When I was in my early twenties, Don and I went one day to the bus station in San Francisco; Don needed to use the restroom and as I waited for him to return a rather disheveled man approached me and extending his hand to show me a quarter said, "Change?" I reached into my purse and accommodated him. Don viewed the event from across the terminal and when he returned he asked why I had given the man money. I said "He just wanted change." Don said "I know. He's a panhandler." Then I added..."he had a quarter in his hand and he just wanted change, so I gave him two dimes and a nickel."..."and took his quarter." Don laughed at my naivete and is sure there is a panhandler somewhere who has told the story as many times as we have, perhaps with amazement rather than amusement.
I like to think about the panhandler's dilemma in this way...He asked for change and received equal value in the exchange when what he really wanted was an increase. In our lives change will come and we, like the panhandler, need to ask for increased value i.e. growth from change.
Right from the beginning of creation life has been a scene of continuous change. For our first parents conditions changed as a result of The Fall. As we approach the Millennium and the Second Coming of Christ we experience change in many new ways. We must accept change as a condition of living and learn from it.
Events in our lives bring change: birth, marriage, death, school, missions, retirement, relocation, menopause, callings and assignments, career or job change, promotion, pay raises, unemployment, leaving home or children leaving home; conditions in our lives change: health, illness, disability, accidents, divorce, loss of money or property, theft, assault, natural disaster; in all of these change begets change.
Sometimes we are in control; we create or facilitate change, but we are often victims; out of control. Knowing that change is inevitable we can and ought to anticipate, plan and prepare for it. When we are experiencing change we can choose to accept, adjust and adapt to it, or we can surrender, crumble and experience stress and defeat. One avenue will bring depression, despair and discouragement, while the other will refine and purify us; bringing growth and empowerment...not power to control others or even events and conditions, but power to guide our destiny.
If life is a road we follow to our destination, then change is a tunnel through which we pass. The middle of the tunnel is darkness; when we can't seethe end, faith and hope are oour flashlights and preparation is our spare battery. We will emerge with greater knowledge, confidence and strength until, having emerged from enough tunnels we find we have reached our destination...the ultimate change...a "mighty change of heart". The change that turns tunnels into bridges and allows us to travel always and forevermore in the light. The Light of Christ will bring us to our Eternal Home.

Dad Update

Dad is doing much better...has only had three pain pills in the past three days. He has been to the archery range twice and is trying to work something out so he can get to the Utah Summer Games (he's registered to compete next Thurs. thru Sunday). Jessica and Kami will be coming sometime next weekend so I won't be able to drive him to Cedar City and he can't be left alone. I hate being the "bad guy", but I question the wisdom of the long trip and three days of competition. I guess I should have known that when we bought him a bow and he began shooting regularly, it would be more than just a good activity and recreation for him (he's so competitive). Callie (Jessica's cat) is adjusting to her new surroundings and was especially happy to see her toys, treats and familiar food and water dishes that arrived in the mail today. She had been finding socks to play with whenever we left the house. I wish I had been able to snap a picture of her laying on her back and tossing one of her toys up and catching it again and again. I've added Scott's Sonnet Writers web sight to my links and had to laugh outloud at his latest sonnets "Birthday Soup" and "Catching Frogs"; "Skipping Stones" brought back many fond memories. Thanks, Scott. I bought an MP3 player before I went to OK City and Drew showed me how to load the music on it (Aaron had shown me how to load music from my CDs to a little MP3 player that came with my new CD player). Anyway, I stayed up until neatly 2 a.m. one night and filled it with great music. I feel like technology has really left me behind, but on the plane coming home I sure enjoyed the music on my credit card sized "music machine". Well I guess I better sign off for tonight (Dad has fallen asleep in his chair and has accidentally changed the TV channel on the remote...to a Spanish station). Love to All, Mom